Shinobu and Suicide revised
by khaoticsweetmisery
Summary: How Keitaro is finally able to find a way to love Shinobu forever. I apologize to anyone who made comments on the first one, my computer wouldn't allow me to change that story's rating, so I had to reupload it. Thanks for all the reviews


I had that dream again. The one where I kissed sempai. He's so sweet. I wish he were mine. But alas he is not, he is hers. Shinobu glared at Naru as she entered the room. Naru flashed a smile as she grabbed a banana and headed out the room. She doesn't love him, she uses him. And yet, she's manipulated him into thinking that he's always doing something wrong. She put her thoughts on hold as she heard Keitaro's voice outside. "Morning Naru, did you sleep well?" "Yes kei-kun, but I woke up with a sore neck." "Oh really Naru? Let me massage that for you..." Shinobu clenched her fists in jealousy. Why can't he ever do that for me? I would give anything for his arms to be around me, holding me all close. Shinobu sighed as she daydreamed about what could never be hers. Her thoughts were interrupted as someone else entered the kitchen.  
  
"Hello Shinobu-chan! How are you feeling today?" Keitaro asked as he entered the room. "I'm fine Sempai, and how are you today?" "I'm alright..." he started, "but Naru didn't seem to get a good night's sleep last night, I'm going to make her some hot tea." "Oh," Shinobu said. "Well, the water's heating up, do you mind calling me when it starts to boil?" "Sure," Shinobu replied. "Thanks, I appreciate it," said Keitaro as he walked out of the kitchen. I should've said no. Why can't I just say no? It's not like it's that hard... She stopped when she saw water pouring out of the tea kettle. She rushed to turn down the fire and clean up the mess. Then Shinobu hurried out of the room and called out, "Urashima-sempai! Your water is boiling!" "Thank you Shinobu," he called out, "I'll be there shortly!"  
  
I should probably start on lunch, it's already one. Shinobu thought to herself. She took some vegetables out of the refrigerator and began chopping. Just then, Motoko came into the room. "Oh Shinobu, I wanted to tell you not to prepare lunch, Naru and the others wanted to go out to eat today. Do you care to join us?" "Yes, I'll be out shortly." Shinobu cursed as she threw all the vegetables into the trash. I could care less; they can dig the food out of the trash if they want to eat it later. "Shinobu, are you coming?" She heard Su's voice ring out. "No, forget it Su, I'm not feeling too well, you guys just go on without me." "Ok Shinobu! I hope you get better!" Su yelled out as she headed out with the others.  
  
Shinobu turned back to the stove to discover Naru's tea still boiling. She was going to turn the fire off when she suddenly got an idea. What if I do something to the tea? Wait, I would never do that to Naru, now would I? She spent the next hour deliberating over what she could do. After awhile she fell asleep at the kitchen table. Keitaro discovered her hours later when he and the others came back from the restaurant. She must've stayed up all night working on that paper of hers. Hmm...it probably isn't too comfortable sleeping like that, I should probably carry her to bed. He lifted her out of the chair and carried her to her room. As he was placing her on her bed, she started stroking her hair.  
  
Oh Shinobu, you're so beautiful when you're asleep, but you're even more beautiful when you're awake. He sighed. There are so many things I wish I could tell you. "I love you so much I can't stand it. Naru's always dealing with her issues. She could even take advantage of me, and I would never know it. But I do know one thing, you would never do that. You're so cute, so lovable, I wish I could just hold you in my arms and spin you around until you throw your head back and laugh with glee. I love it when you smile; I love it when you add your own little special touch to everything you cook. It always tastes difference when you cook something, because you put so much effort and love into what you do. Naru's so independent, and she always hits me whenever I try to get near. Look at you though, you're so different. I want to always be there to protect you. I want to be your shoulder to cry on when you're sad. Too bad you'll never know." He kissed her on her forehead as he headed towards the door. He turned back to see her snoring, he smiled as he closed the door behind him.  
  
Shinobu awoke to the sound of the door closing. What's going on? I heard sempai's voice. Wait, I remember it all now, he said he loved me. And oh my gosh, he kissed me!!!!! Shinobu started jumping up and down with joy on her bed. Then she stopped and had a horrible thought. He'll still never be mine. He'll always belong to her.  
  
I have to talk to him about this. She went to his room and knocked on his door. "Sempai, are you there? I need to talk to you about something." "Yes, I'm here Shinobu, come on in." Shinobu gently opened the door and closed it behind her. "Sempai, I want to talk to you regarding what happened in my room just now. Did you actually mean everything you said?" Silence followed for what Shinobu felt like was an eternity. "Yes...I did...I meant everything, but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so confused." Shinobu replied in a fury of anger, "It's not like you're in a serious relationship, she doesn't care about you, how stupid can you be to not see that? She just likes the attention she gets from you, and the jealousy that comes from me? Can't you see it? She's using you, she's using...you..." Shinobu started to cry as she hit her forehead on the wall. Keitaro went over and gave her a hug.  
  
Keitaro then said, "You're right, I'm not in a serious relationship. I'm not in a relationship at all. There's nothing to be jealous about Shinobu anymore. I...broke things off with Naru after I talked to you and realized that it wasn't her that I had feelings for. I can't say she took the news too well." Shinobu gasped with astonishment and delight. "I'm not sure what to say sempai, I'm happy, and at the same I don't know..." she trailed off, "Are you happy?" "I told you, I'm confused. I...don't know. I knew it was wrong leading Naru on making her think that I liked her more than I did. I knew that if I had feelings for you, it would be better for me and Naru to just be friends until I could figure out my emotions."  
  
"This day has been so surreal sempai, so where do we go from now?" Shinobu asked with curiosity. "Give me some time Shinobu, let me figure this all out and we can go on from there." "Ok," said Shinobu as she walked out of the room. She had a flood of emotions going through her body. She bumped into Naru on her way out. "Oh sorry Naru..." Shinobu said. Then she looked up to see Naru with tears streaming down her face. Naru ran to her bedroom and quickly shut the door.  
  
Guess I should start dinner, thought Shinobu. She decided to make Su's favorite dish of curry and mashed potatoes. After about an hour, everyone came into the kitchen to eat. Nobody talked throughout the entire meal, and when Shinobu offered everyone a second helping, no one accepted, not even Su. Naru must've told all of them about what happened today. They probably all hate me. Shinobu excused herself from the table and decided to take a shower to clear her mind.  
  
Shinobu sighed as the water came on. Sticking her hand into the water every so often, she waited for it to heat up. After a few minutes, she stepped into the tub. Holy crap, she thought to herself, I can't believe it. I'm responsible for two people breaking up. Naru seemed so happy with sempai; even though she was using him, I know that she must've had some feelings for him to have stayed in the relationship this long. It's all my fault, why can't I do anything right? She started to cry as she remembered how it was when her parents got divorced. That might've been my fault too. That's when I had just started learning how to cook; dad said one night that my lasagna was better than mom's. I remember how one night they had just begun fighting. Dad said that he didn't even need mom in his life anymore. He could clean the house and I could cook. Mom was so upset that she threw a lamp at him. Dad got cut by one the sharp edges when he was picking up the pieces. We had rushed to the hospital and when the doctor asked how it happened, my mom said it was my fault, that my dad and I were playing a game and I just happened to miss my aim. After we got home, they started arguing again. I tried to help by making a snack for them. I knocked as I entered their bedroom and asked if either of them wanted a snack. Dad pointed in my direction and said, "See? I don't need you! We don't need you! She's so thoughtful, she's even bringing us food! You're such a worthless piece of junk, you lost your beauty years ago."  
  
Shinobu stopped thinking as she stepped out of the tub and started getting dressed. She discovered she had neglected to grab a shirt out of her closet. She stayed in the bathroom awhile and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Look at me, I'm foolish to think that sempai will actually want to have a relationship with me. He will realize how ugly I am, and he'll go running back to her. That her make her even cockier than she already is. How sickening. Why can't I just die now? There's nothing for me anyways. I don't really see anything in my future. My parents have practically forgotten about me, it's been so long since I've seen them. Sempai is confused and probably isn't even sure whether or not he likes me. Shinobu started looking for a sharp object. She spotted her razor behind one of her scrunchies. It's not really that sharp, it's not like I can cause any real damage with this. She held the razor in her hand and began to cut on the under part of her arm near her wrist. Deeper, she kept thinking, anything to help keep my mind off this emotional pain. Hours later, Shinobu found herself in the bathroom, with a towel around her, a razor in hand, and able to see the bone on the under part of her arm. She had lost so much blood that she kept fading in and out of consciousness. Shinobu felt woozy and she made her way towards her room.  
  
The next morning Shinobu awoke to the sound of what she thought was her alarm clock. She leaned over to shut it off, when she suddenly discovered she couldn't. Horrified, she glanced at her right wrist, it seemed normal, though with a drop of dry blood on it. Slowly, she looked at her left wrist and saw her hand dangling, only attached to her arm by part of her skin that were slowly starting to tear. She was so scared she didn't know what to do. She attempted to get up and finally realized someone right in front of her. "You're going to be okay young lady, we're rushing you to the emergency room right now, it's going to be okay." Shinobu then faded out of consciousness. She awoke to find herself in a white room. Her head pounded like crazy and she was surrounded by a group of people. "What happened?" Shinobu asked. "Guys," Keitaro started, "I'd like to talk to Shinobu alone for a minute if you don't mind." Everyone left the room and Keitaro held Shinobu's hand as he spoke, "Shinobu, you should've told me that you were feeling depressed. That you were feeling suicidal. I had no idea. I feel so awful right now, we almost lost you. When did you start feeling this way?"  
  
"I don't know, I suppose after my parents' divorce. I didn't know exactly I was depressed, let alone suicidal. It was just last night, I just went on a spree. I was so scared, I had no idea how far it actually went." She started to weep as she said this. "Wow," said Keitaro, "I'm not sure what to say, I'm really worried about you though Shinobu. Do you think you'd be happier somewhere else other than the Hinata Sou? I can have you stay with my sister if you'd like, she has an apartment close to the country. They say country air always does a soul good. What do you think?"  
  
"I think..." Shinobu started as she pulled Keitaro into a kiss. "I think I much prefer that than living out in the country if you don't mind." She started to blush furiously afterwards, as did Keitaro. "I don't think you fully know what you're doing," said Keitaro, "getting into a relationship is a big step, and with proof of last night, maybe you aren't emotionally ready to handle a relationship. Maybe after a couple of years after things start to settle down and you mature a little bit, we can talk about starting a relationship. Until then, I want you to not be confined to the restraints of a relationship and I think you need to be able to explore other areas of your life and pursue your individual goals and dreams."  
  
"Do you love me, Keitaro?" Shinobu asked him looking him straight in the eye. "I don't know anymore, I know I really care for you, but maybe it's in a little sister way more than a lover's. I'm not completely sure yet, but I think that might be it. "Oh," said Shinobu. She turned so that Keitaro wouldn't see her cry. "Are you going to be ok?" asked Keitaro. "Yes, I'll be fine, you and the others can go home now, I just want to rest and think for awhile." "Ok," replied Keitaro, "We'll come to see you tomorrow afternoon." He got up from his seat and walked out.  
  
Damn it, Shinobu thought, I love him, doesn't he know that? I'll never find love. He's my one true love, I know it, we were meant for each other. And now, he's going to need comfort to get through this incident, and he's probably going to find it in Naru or some other beautiful girl. I'll just be the girl on the side again, pretending to cheer Keitaro on, while the entire time just cursing his luck, waiting for him to fail.  
  
She looked around the room and started getting dressed. I need to sneak out of here, I need to go to Keitaro before he makes a mistake and gets back together with Naru. She peered out of her room. There was no one in sight, so she made a straight break for the door. Just as she thought she was out free, someone called out to her. "Hey you!" they yelled out. She looked back and saw the secretary, arms akimbo as she was yelling. "Just where do you think you're going? You should be in your room getting rest, instead you're trying to sneak out of here. Are you insane?" "No," Shinobu said as she hung her head with shame. The secretary came out from behind the desk and escorted Shinobu back to her room. Shinobu climbed into bed and fell asleep.  
  
The next few weeks passed by slowly. Everyday the residents of Hinata Sou visited. Keitaro would stay late into the night, telling Shinobu how much he adored her and how much he wanted her to be in his life. Shinobu started to block out everyone, falling into deep depression though denying it the entire time passing it off as stress. Two months later, after doctors were convinced Shinobu was alright, she was allowed to return back home. Upon her arrival, she was greeted with a welcome home party. Shinobu noted that Naru was not there. Motoko stated that Naru was just hard at work at her studies as usual and would come later if she found time.  
  
Shinobu went to Naru's room. "What do you want?" Naru asked as she heard the door open. "Oh, it's you," she said as she saw Shinobu. "Well? This better be good, you're interrupting my studies." Shinobu replied, "I'm sorry that you and sempai aren't together anymore. Is there anything I can do to help?" "Yeah, leave me alone." Naru shoved Shinobu out of the room and went back to her studies. Shinobu was shocked at what had taken place. She had tried to be nice, and instead she was banned from Naru's room for the night.  
  
She went to the bathroom and turned on the lights. I hate my freaking life. She punched through the mirror and broke it into shards of glass. She took on of the shards of glass into her hands and shoved it into her arm. She let out a scream of pain and was taken aback. She felt so good being able to control the physical pain. Then she proceeded to close the light and go to her room. Shinobu woke up with a throbbing pain in her arm, and yet she had this sudden feeling of control that felt really good. Every night, she had her own ritual of cutting herself, and everytime, it would be deeper, and deeper, but never to the bone. Thoughts of death ran rapid through her head. Death felt like almost an escape. An end finally of life, of everything she came to hate.  
  
Residents of the Hinata Sou started getting worried again. They met at a meeting called by Keitaro. "I know all of you are worried about Shinobu, as am I. She's been avoiding everyone lately, she seems really depressed, she won't wear bright colors anymore, she hasn't been eating and keeps getting up in the middle of the night and spends hours in the bathroom. Anyone have any idea what's going on?" asked Keitaro. Motoko spoke up, "I have an idea, though it may seem unbelievable. I think she's pregnant. She's been sneaking food in at night, and it seems to be more than she would normally eat in a week. She's been wearing baggy clothes too." Everyone decided that it made perfect sense and decided to go out and decide what to do about it. Keitaro yelled out to Shinobu that they were going out and would return in a couple of hours. Shinobu exited her room and went to the bathroom again. She didn't feel like cutting herself though, it wasn't enough anymore. She went to the phone and called her dad, the line was busy however. She called her mom and an answering machine picked up. Shinobu decided to leave a message, "I'm sorry mom, I'm so sorry, please forgive me for ruining your marriage, please don't hate me for this." She hung up the phone and went to the kitchen, she went in, took the sharpest knife, and stabbed herself through the heart.  
  
Hours later, the residents of Hinata Sou came home and saw cars parked all around. Concerned, they ran up the stairs toward the building. Keitaro recognized Shinobu's mom and went to talk to her. "What's going on?" Keitaro asked. "Go inside and see for yourself," she replied while pushing him aside and running out the door. Keitaro saw medical personnel surrounding the kitchen. Making his way through, Keitaro faced an image he was not ready for. Shinobu was dead, on the floor, with a knife through her heart. The image was just too much for Keitaro to bear. He ran outside to get some fresh air. The coroner came and took her away in a body bag. The rest of the residents went to their rooms without any discussion. After everyone else left, Keitaro made his way to the kitchen, on the wall, he discovered there was a message written in blood that read: "I loved you Keitaro, I loved you."  
  
Keitaro was hit with a spree of emotions. Anger, hate, love, depression, all in an hour but what seemed like an eternity to him. Why couldn't she have talked to me, if only I hadn't been so absorbed in everything else, now she's dead, and it's all because of me. I shouldn't have left her alone...what if I had done this? Or that? Maybe this wouldn't have happened. Keitaro went through different scenarios in his head over and over and over.  
  
He somehow found his way to his room and woke up hours later in his bed. He discovered his pillow was wet from the tears that fell from his eyes. He made his way to the door and walked toward the living room. Maybe I should talk to the other residents, see if they're doing alright, Keitaro thought to himself. Everyone was sitting around on the sofa sharing old memories of Shinobu. There were pictures of Shinobu spread out all over the floor and the girls seemed to be making a scrapbook of some sort. They looked up as they heard Keitaro's footsteps. They all stopped talking and Naru walked over sadly and gave Keitaro a hug. Naru broke down crying in Keitaro's arms saying how much she missed Shinobu and how lonely the Hinata Sou would be without her. She led Keitaro over to where the others were sitting and explained they were making a scrapbook for Shinobu's parents when they arrived so that they would always have something nice to pull out and look at whenever they missed their daughter.  
  
As Keitaro was shuffling through some of the pictures he noticed an opened white envelope. He tore it open and found pictures of Shinobu, however, they looked nothing like her. Other than having Shinobu's name in the bottom left corner, no one could tell it was little Shinobu. Her hair was curled and she wore the most elegant clothes. Everyone gawked and awed and wondered when such beautiful pictures of Shinobu were taken. Su finally broke the silence, "What? You've never seen those pictures before? Didn't you all know that Shinobu was a model?" "WHAT?!" everyone else in the Hinata Sou replied. "She's Japan's number one model, didn't she mention that when she first moved here?" No one could remember her mentioning anything of the sort. "Yeah, it's part of the reason why her parents separated. Her father wanted her to focus on homework more but her mother wanted her to continue the modeling for financial purposes. Eventually they fought so much they decided to get a divorce."  
  
She looks hot with makeup on, mused Keitaro. He sighed as he continued looking through the pictures, no one talked the rest of the night except for when they all decided to take a quick nap when the clock struck midnight. Everyone was extremely quiet as they headed to their rooms. Keitaro decided to sleep on the sofa, he was too tired to go to his room anyways.  
  
He lay on the sofa and looked up at the ceiling. I still can't believe she's gone; it seems just like yesterday that she first came here...she was so cute when she smiled. And her cooking was to die for. I drool just thinking about it. Why Shinobu? Why did you do this to yourself? To the rest of us? Did you think how it would affect us? Keitaro soon drifted into sleep. He was dressed in a white tuxedo, and the pants were just a little too tight, but that was alright. He was looking down the aisle and saw Shinobu walking up towards him. He smiled as he thought about what was about to occur. He suddenly saw a knife come out of nowhere and Shinobu stabbed herself. Keitaro woke up in cold sweat. Her death is mysterious, I won't stop thinking about it until I figure it out, it's going to drive me insane.  
  
Keitaro started walking around the Hinata Sou. He saw a figure walking towards him. It resembled Shinobu but was quite transparent. Tears starting falling from his eyes. "Shinobu, is that you?" The figure nodded but did not speak. Then it started to skip away. Keitaro ran after the figure, "Shinobu, wait!" The girl seemed to be skipping even faster now. Keitaro found himself on the edge of a ledge. The girl waved over to him. She hovered 10 feet above the ground but it seemed as though she were walking on a set path. He started to put one foot out and then fell off the ledge. He could feel himself falling. He could feel so much adrenaline flowing through his body that there was no pain. Only comfort knowing that he was getting closer to where Shinobu was.  
  
The next morning the residents of Hinata Sou found Keitaro in the bushes, covered in blood and muttering strange phrases. They rushed him to the hospital, where they discovered he had broken 3 ribs. Keitaro spent months in the hospital, but it seemed like an eternity to him. Every night he had visions of Shinobu and continued to follow the ghostly figure wherever she fancied. One of the nurses found out about his nightly wanderings and decided to lock his door. That night, when he got up during one of these visions and discovered the door was locked, he started pounding on the door. No one was anywhere near enough to hear him. He started crying as he fell to the floor. The figure floated through the door and instructed him to do the same. Keitaro was rather subjective during these visions. After a couple of failures, the figure grew impatient of waiting for Keitaro. That's when Keitaro ran into the door with all his might. The end result was a passed out Keitaro on the floor of his room.  
  
If I can't follow Shinobu, I'm going where no one can stop me from getting to her. He found a scalpel in one of the drawers and started cutting his throat. Resident nurses found him dead hours later. Just before he died, Keitaro had another vision. He was at the park, the one where he had so many memories. However, in this vision he wasn't a little kid, he was 19 year old Keitaro. Then suddenly he heard a familiar voice, "Kei-kun, they say if two people go to Tokyo University together, they will end up married." And as he looked at the girl, it was no longer Mutsumi as he had remembered, it was his Shinobu, with her rich blue hair looking adoringly into his eyes. Keitaro took her by the hand and led her to the bench. "Shinobu, I promise to love you forever." 


End file.
